Abigail Rose was always in my life. A sweet little light. Smiling and showing God's love even through all her pain.
Today, marks the one month since her death and oh how the pain still hurts! I can't believe it's been an entire month already.
It feels as though it was just yesterday that I was awoken in bed, sitting and listening to sound of my mom's crying as she called her sisters and told them the news. Oh how my heart aches and how I miss her. I know she's in heaven now and away from all the pain of this world, but it hurts for those left behind. *broken heart*
She was more than "just" a cousin to me. I grew up with her. She was an angel. Memories flood my mind as I think of her smiles, giggles, and amused scowls.
Memories of taking the time out of my playing to go and hold her hand; in the living room all alone, rubbing her soft cheeks and singing softly to her while I pondered what was going on in her mind as she looked at me.
Praying for her every night and that she would get a good nights sleep and so would her mama. Oh, the many prayers I remember praying for that sweet girl.
Playing with her; getting her to giggle. Abigail was such a picture of God's love. What a sweet smile she had too!
I have so many memories. Waking up to a houseful of Abi's siblings and going downstairs; there she'd be, if she had stayed over too, laying in the living room and as I'd walk by, without even thinking, I'd give her hand a loving squeeze.
I've never lost someone before. Never experienced grief. Not like this. Yes, I lost my Grandma. But that was different for me.
I was just a small child when my grandma was taken from me. So my grieving experience was way different than that of my family. I grieved what I didn't have. All I remember feeling was the knowledge that she was in heaven and everything was going to be just fine.
This, this is different. I knew Abi. Grew up with her. Hugged her. Kissed her cheeks. Held her hand. Sang to her. Prayed for her. I know what she looked like. I loved her. <3
With all the hurt that I'm feeling I can only begin to imagine the pain my aunt, uncle, and cousins are feeling. I've heard how hard they're doing and my heart just breaks for them. *broken heart*
Never, ever, did I truly realize just how real death is. Not really. And now, now I know. It's just so real. Indescribable. You have to experience the loss before truly understanding it.
I can still remember the feeling I got when I found something I wanted to buy\give to Abi. I have memories of giving her teddy bears, and helping her to hold them while waiting for the beautiful smile to spread across her face.
Abigail Rose was a fighter. She would smile, even through all her pain and tubes feeding her and everything. She always wanted to show love. And I'll miss her. Oh how I'll miss her!
I hate to say goodbye, for that means forgetting. And oh, I don't want anyone to forget her pretty face and sweet giggle. Instead, let us rejoice and say, "until we meet again".
I miss her. I truly do. But I find comfort in knowing she's resting and in no more pain. It just hurts for us left behind. The thing that hurts the most, is how we hadn't seen her in so long. Hadn't stopped by to just say hello. I can't even remember the last time I seen her alive and oh how it hurts. <3
(pictures not in order)
With God's help and strength, I know we can all get through this. It'll be hard, and especially for my aunt and uncle and kids, but keep praying and sometime we'll see the light at the end of the tunnel. She's forever healed and singing praises with Grandma and her little brother. <3
