hello lovelies
I've been so enjoying reading everyone's Christmas letters and decided it's time to jaunt down a little letter for myself, and figured I'd might as well share it *winks*
January:
We started the year off, pretty miserable I must say. We caught an awful stomach bug.. my whole family, except Byron and Nancy, praise the Lord, never got it! It was awful and me having a four month old at the time that I was breastfeeding, I started to loose my milk. I even started to get delirious at one point and my hubby decided he needed to get me more help. So off to the urgent care we went where I got a vitamin IV infusion and began to feel SO much better; and praise God my milk supply came back!
Shortly after getting well, we got the news that Grandpa (Stenersen) was fading fast, and soon would be joining Jesus... I struggled. So much. I wouldn't except it. I blocked out any thoughts of him passing and then it happened. Early morning I woke up from the sounds of Byron in the kitchen (he might've been on the phone? I can't remember exactly) I looked at my phone and there was a text from my daddy... "are you awake? Call me." and I knew... my grandpa, my daddy's dad, was no longer with us. My heart sank to the floor like a brick and I tried desperately to fight the tears. I called my dad and wandered into the kitchen where Byron was. Daddy said with tears in his throat, "He's no longer suffering." and I couldn't hold it together anymore and I broke down. A few more words were said and I hung up. I fell apart into my hubby's arms and felt like I had never felt before. A crushing pain that felt there was no comfort. Sobs erupted from my throat that I had never before heard and my body shook.
Shortly after we made the decision to go to NH despite all my new mama fears of flying, I am so so thankful we made it.
February:
We spent time with family in NH for grandpa's funeral and it was the most wonderfully bittersweet hard, awful, comforting trip and time with family. But I'll tell you, getting home had never felt so good.
Soon after getting home we were hit with yet another sickness and I spent days sobbing and crying trying to care for my baby whose fever seemed to only get hotter and nothing helped. But praise God, we pulled through the Nancy's fever broke and I slowly started to stop having anxiety every time Nancy felt slightly warmer than usual.
The rest of February was spent trying to recuperate from sickness and heartache.
March:
Nancy turned six months and it felt like time was flying by. My little baby was growing fast, and chubbier than ever.
More days, just living, getting back into the groove of things. Outings as a family. Coffee. Walks in the sunshine that started to show it's face more and more.
Nancy learned to sit up and was having such a time, playing with toys and being able to be "in on the fun"
Byron bought me the bike of my dreams and a baby buggy to pull behind and I started to take bike rides with Nancy more regularly down our beautiful private road.
Our godson and nephew, Bendigo turned one and we enjoyed celebrating him. <3
To make mama happy, Byron took me and Nancy on a little family adventure for the sunset in the hills and that picnic, in the cold, just the three of us, watching the sun go down, will forever be one of my fondest memories. <3
April:
We spent our days, enjoying the sunshine and taking family drives on the fixer upper fourwheeler my hubby had bought.
One rainy day we decided to take a trip to the coast but to a different side than we normally go to. We invited my sisters and Damara to come along and it was a fun, relaxing time.
I started painting again and loved it. I took every opportunity to paint and it helped me feel more like myself again and not just changing diapers and cleaning house. *laughs* But don't get me wrong, I love being a mama and I wouldn't trade it for the world. <3
More sunshine and enjoying the weather and watching Nancy grow so fast.
My sister, Felicity and her family welcomed their third child, Ruth Ann into this world and we were so happy to get those newborn snuggles again.
Byron sold his old rusty truck and bought a new Ford and even though it was kind of sad to see "old blue" leave us and to think of all the memories we made dating in there, I am so happy he has a reliable nice truck that keeps him warm in the winter.
May:
Living life, taking it moment by moment and trying to soak it all in. Learning the joys of motherhood and beginning to find routine and comfort in keeping my house cozy and making it a home and place of warmth.
Warmer weather was coming fast and we were enjoying every moment of it. Soaking it in and being outside almost always.
Then, for a mother's day gift, Byron took us to the beach overnight as a family. It was the most wonderful time together and I loved being there, just us three, soaking in each other and watching the sunset on the beach. Nancy wasn't a fan of the ocean but hey that's okay, lol.
Nancy started pulling herself up onto things and pushing them and walking.
I painted and painted a ton of paintings for a outdoor market we were going to be doing in July. Didn't have much success but hey I enjoyed it.
June:
Nancy started trying to walk more and more and was becoming quite the crazy child.
The sun was almost always out and we were almost always outside.
My cousin got married and so there was family here and we so enjoyed seeing Grandma and cousin Valerie. Some of the best memories.. walks in town, coffees (oh all the coffee) and playing volleyball with Valerie and the cousins. I must say there at the end I was finally starting to figure it out and the rules and was enjoying it.
Ruth was baptized and we were honored to stand there as her godparents and watch. <3
July:
Ahhh, the fourth. One of my favorite holidays. We had a fun time with family, having a BBQ and eating all the good summery food. We went to a relatives house for fireworks and they did not disappoint! And surprisingly Nancy slept through the whole thing, thanks to Bendigo lending us his hearing protection. *winks*
More family time, dates, and enjoying the summer weather. Nancy learned to walk!
We had our outdoor market and local town parade and enjoyed the festivities of summer.
Lots of walks along our road and time with family. Just the way I like it; to always be with family.
August:
Summer was here in full swing and there was lots of swimming, coffee, shaved ice and summer activities.
We found out we were going to be blessed with yet another baby and couldn't be more excited. Though, I will admit this mama was actually a little scared at first. Thinking back to the long, hard labor of Nancy, wondering if I could do it again. Wondering how Nancy would do with a sibling. Worrying.... just about everything. But I can assure you, the fears have eased and we couldn't be more excited.
We went to the fair with my family and afterward enjoyed supper at my parents (the farm as we all call it) where we told them the good news of Baby #2.
Life was pretty good, so we thought, until we all came down with whooping cough. More sickness. More stress. More worry. And more tears for mama. We decided to get on antibiotics as soon as symptoms started to show, and praise God we didn't get near as bad as Felicity's little family. We stayed away for what felt like forever and once it was finally safe to be together again, we moved Chancy and Brynna into a trailer doublewide at the end of my driveway. So we are close neighbors!
My birthday rolled around and Byron took me into the hills for a fun family drive and to see the mountains and even had LaKaysha make me a raspberry glazed pie. <3
September:
Our little baby, our joy. Turned one year old! *happy tears* I was struggling with feeling nauseous from morning sickness on her birthday and trying to get her party together felt hard. But with the help of my family we got the party decorated and by the time everyone came I was feeling much better and was able to enjoy celebrating our little Miss Rose. <3
Another little nephew was welcomed into this world and we just adore him. Chancy and Brynna welcomed their second boy, Cylas Lyle named after grandpa Lyle who passed away earlier in the year. <3 And was born on Grandma's death date. He's a special little man. <3
We continued to enjoy our time in the nice weather and enjoyed seeing the elk herd that likes to walk by. Nancy's love for elk was soon growing fast.
Mama surprisingly was feeling pretty good with morning sickness and so this pregnancy has honestly been such a blessed one. <3
Nancy caught another cold which caused her cough to worsen from side effects of whooping cough so we stayed away for awhile, just to be on the safe side for little Cylas Lyle. But in this time, we took the time to be together and have fun filled family days just relaxing and enjoying the fall weather that was slowly coming.
October:
We took yet another little jaunt down to the coast one nice day, and once again invited my sisters and Damara to tag along. It was a perfect day, sunny, warmish and slightly windy. Just how I love it at the beach. *heart eyes*
Baby peanut (baby #2) started to make themselves known and my baby bump was slowly showing itself.
We all went to the pumpkin patch and enjoyed our time going through the corn maze with Nancy tickled pink to be running about. We got a pumpkin and enjoyed some cider and coffee and just enjoyed our time there, together.
Poor little Nancy came down with yet another sickness and was burning with a fever. My poor girl, when she gets sick, she gets sick. And mama is left feeling helpless and praying for quick recovery. Thankfully it didn't last too long this time and she got well fairly quick.
We enjoyed a little fun fall\costume party at my aunts house and it was fun to dress up with my own little girl. I went as a 90s pregnant mama while Nancy was a cutie as a prairie girl.
November:
Not much happened this month. Just living and loving our life we've made together. <3
We got to see baby peanut and it was so special, having Nancy sitting there on the bed beside me, watching everything with big eyes and mama getting to tell her "look that's baby!"
Aaaaand me and Byron both adore Christmas so, of course we decorated before Thanksgiving. *giggles* It's been SO fun and beautiful watching Nancy experience Christmas and get excited over the lights and all the little trinkets.
Thanksgiving took its jolly time to come around this year, but we enjoyed it just the same! Gathering at Grandpa and Sue's has always been the highlight of my Thanksgiving. <3
December:
Me and Byron celebrated 2 years of marriage together and I can't believe how fast two years have gone by. We love each other more than ever and grow closer each day. God is good. <3
Christmas is coming fast. We just have one day left and then all the planning and waiting is over. Until next year. *winks*
We got our Christmas tree (ended up being November 30th actually) and decorating it with my little family was such fun. Though Nancy randomly had some ear pain (we think it was wax with fluid behind) and woke up from her nap screaming so at first it wasn't so much fun. But that's the way life is with kids, got to take it moment by moment. Sometimes they're screaming and crying but that doesn't mean you can't find joy amidst it.
Christmas time comes with all our traditions and I love watching Nancy learn and be a part of them. Making cookies at Grandma's house, and cookies at home with mama.<3
Now, as we come to the new year I look back and can't help but feel in awe. Awe of my life. Of what was, what has, and what is to come.
This past year was a year of growing. A lot of growing. Learning how to let go, how to feel and how to let God have control. Learning how to live in the moment and never take anything for granted; life is short so hug your loved ones a little tighter, and say 'i love you' more.
I've started doing just that, hugging my loved ones more. Saying "I love you" and not caring if people think I'm silly and emotional. That's me. That's who I am; I've always been an emotional girl and I feel deeply for those I love.
It's hard to hide the tears but this past year has taught me that it's okay to cry. It's okay to show emotion and it's okay to let people know you care. There's no sense in holding it back.
I look back to February 2023 and I am so thankful I started to go with what I felt like my heart was saying to do.. it was the last time I seen my grandpa. I felt it deep inside that I wasn't going to be able to see him this side of Heaven again and I just knew I needed to say the words "I love you" even if they got caught in my throat. I looked at my grandpa sitting there in his chair, looking old beyond his years and tired, oh so tired. I was saying bye because I was leaving in the morning. But something told me I needed to make this goodbye just a little extra special. I bent down to my hardly talking, hardly having an emotion, grandpa and wrapped my arms aound his neck. I felt the tears clog my throat as this was not the grandpa I once knew. I kissed him on the cheek and said with a tight throat "I love you Grandpa" and even though he seemed so tired and frail he whispered back "I love you Liberty" and then I ran out the door, into the cold NH snow. I cried. I knew it was my last goodbye, even if I didn't want to admit it at the time. Byron held me as I cried and I am so thankful for him. I don't know what I'd do in this life without him. God has blessed me beyond measure.
But looking back, oh I am so so thankful I went with my heart and kissed grandpa and told him I loved him. I think he knew, and that's why he made sure to say it back. <3 Oh Grandpa, to see you again in glory. "What a day, glorious day that will be"!
Motherhood comes with its ups and downs but I am blessed to be able to say I am loving it, and the stage I am at now is the most fun, and I am enjoying my life beyond words. I feel so blessed.
Byron was a huge rock during this year. Year of sorrow, year of pain. Learning how to be a mama, and just learning. He has ever been by my side, pointing me to Christ and always helping me to look on the bright side. He's my strong partner in this life, and I am so thankful for him. Thankful for him to walk this path of life, striving to grow closer to Christ. <3
His work is ever busy and steady and we are so thankful for that. And I am thankful to see him enjoy his job and not dreading every day of work. Yeah some days are hard and not every day is rays of sunshine, but that's life. *winks*
Nancy is our little ray of sunshine. Our joy. Our nut. Our goose. Our little wild child. She's ever wanting to get into something. Her heart is so big and I couldn't be more proud of my little girl. She wants to always be "helping" but mostly just gest in the way, haha. But oh we love to watch her learn and grow.
Her heart is so kind and she even knows when someone's sad, that we should pray for them. She just asked to pray for her single auntie's the other night after saying prayers and my heart melted into a puddle. I love seeing her kind heart and how she wants to always "help".
Baby peanut is growing fast and Mama is now 25 (almost 26) weeks along and feeling kicks and movement each day. I can't wait to meet you in April little bug. <3
I hope your new year is filled with peace, strength, and most of all comfort in knowing that Jesus has paid it all and we have a great reward waiting for us in Heaven above. <3 Jesus loves YOU and died for YOU dear reader. Let's remember to always be thankful for each moment; for each day is a gift from God. I love you and hope you have a good Christmas. Merry Christmas all. And goodnight.<3
